


The Dimensions Of Silence

by princey_pie



Series: Bad Things Happen Bingo - Pie Chart [5]
Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Angst, Burns, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Injury, Self-Destruction
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-19
Updated: 2021-02-19
Packaged: 2021-03-15 03:08:13
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,166
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29552589
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/princey_pie/pseuds/princey_pie
Summary: Logan started to practice self care, in a way.
Relationships: Anxiety & Creativity & Dark Creativity & Deceit & Logic & Morality & Thomas (Sanders Sides), Logic | Logan Sanders & Thomas Sanders, Platonic DRLAMPT, Platonic Lomas
Series: Bad Things Happen Bingo - Pie Chart [5]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1930993
Comments: 10
Kudos: 31
Collections: Bad Things Happen Bingo, TSS Fanworks Collective





	The Dimensions Of Silence

**Author's Note:**

> I had this in the work for 4 months and it's finally finished. Yeet, have fun.

Logan had never seen the use in lying to oneself. Quite the opposite, dishonesty as a habit tended to overcomplicate every single situation. Logan only spoke in facts, may it be to others or to himself.

That’s how he came to the logical conclusion at hand and knew that it was sound. The others didn’t listen to him, not as much as they should. That wasn’t his ego talking, he simply could give the most unbiased insight on Thomas’ problems and, unlike the others, he actually did research before he opened his mouth.

But Logan was used to that, he had to accept the fact. However, that didn’t mean it still stung when they didn't even ask him for his input but what had his blood boiling despite the hollow darkness that spread in his chest was when they interrupted him. Or completely ignored what he had said just a few moments before.

If they never asked him to participate in the conversation then he could at least pretend that it would have gone differently this time. That his voice could make a difference. But as his duty as logic dictated, he couldn’t just identify the problem. He needed to find a solution too. So he did.

“Let’s see if this works,” he spoke to his empty room. He did this a lot lately, talking to himself. Another habit he could tackle with his new experiment.

Logan carefully took the thin metal collar from his desk and let it snap shut around his neck. The cold metal sent a shiver down his spine but Logan was sure it was only a chill as standing in his room with his shirt open proved to be rather cold. 

He swallowed and felt the collar pressing into his throat slightly. The pressure was uncomfortable but not too choking. It would serve as a good reminder.

With a deep breath, he grabbed the remote, turned it to the lowest level. He didn’t give himself a moment to reconsider, he simply hit the button. A light zap went from the collar through the contacts into his neck, making him flinch. It didn’t hurt for long, but the sensitivity proved to be an unpleasant sensation.

Logan nodded as he stored the remote safely in his drawer after he pressed the tiny button on the side that activated the voice sensors. The shock collar would serve as an initiative for him to only talk and risk the inevitable rejection if it was truly an important matter.

For now, he would start with the lowest volume and a cooldown of five seconds after a shock before it would detect sound again. He programmed it to only go off on his own voice so as long as Janus didn’t impersonate him in his presence, his creation should work as intended without a potential worry for volume control which would prove useful around the twins.

Logan stood in front of the mirror, staring at the blueish glint of the metal.

“Testing vocal recognition.”

The collar went off immediately, Logan again couldn't suppress a flinch. He needed to work on that if he didn’t want the others to interfere with his business. They wouldn’t understand if they found out, this was his own kind of coping mechanism and he was determined to make it work.

Logan began buttoning up his shirt, closing it above the collar. He checked his reflection the last time, making sure the collar was hidden completely from view before he tied his tie over it. Then he sunk out for the scheduled meeting.

His heart plummeted into his stomach as he saw all the others already there, even Remus sprawled on the floor, and already discussing with Thomas. It took a moment for them to notice his presence.

“Oh hi, Logan!” Patton chirped, waving. “Guess what? Thomas will take a college class again.”

Logan nodded with a small smile, warmth blooming in his chest again. “Yes, he-” he winced at the first shock “-already informed me that he wanted to enroll for astronomy.”

Patton’s face fell and the chatter in the room died at once.

Thomas sheepishly looked at him. “Well… You see, the thing is I decided to sign up for a screenwriting class?”

“That makes no sense.” Logan ignored the second shock. “You already display skills in that area and-”

“Look, Tieminator, don’t be like that only because this falls into my department,” Roman interrupted him.

Logan gritted his teeth. “I am simply-” the third shock made his pain receptors light up like a christmas tree “-that to broaden your horizon-”

“It’s decided, Logan, please respect that.” It was somehow worse that Thomas was the one who delivered the blow.

Logan sharply nodded before he sunk out and let his frustrated tears spill. He’d like to punch the wall but he needed his hands to muffle the groan coming from his mouth, after all the collar was still activated.

He allowed himself half an hour before he quit wallowing in self-pity and sat at his desk to record his first field test. Looking at it objectively it went pretty well. In the end, the collar did keep him from arguing a lost cause and frustrate himself even further. Although he hypothesized that an even more effective result could be achieved if the shock level was higher.

Earlier he had been able to argue even though it should have been obvious to him that the matter was already decided before he even entered the room. And the result wasn’t terrible. Maybe just being on campus would revive Thomas' love for learning and he would be easier to convince to take a course in the sciences. Or at least read, or even buy, a new book on such a topic.

It certainly wasn’t a reason to miss dinner for. He looked at his clock and it was- a lot later than anticipated. He frowned. It wasn't like him to lose track of time. He didn’t wait for Patton to knock at his door to call him down. He didn’t know what he would do if one evening the knocks wouldn’t come.

Pushing aside the fear, he appeared in the kitchen.

“Logan!” Patton greeted him and pushed him into his chair.

“Sup,” Virgil gave him his two finger salute.

Logan opened his mouth to greet him but the collar moved against his neck and he simply nodded.

“No need to be so cold, Lobot,” Roman grumbled, mouth already stuffed with pumpkin soup.

Logan was spared from an answer by Patton placing a full soup bowl in front of him.

“Ew, princey, try to keep the food in your mouth, okay?” Virgil watched him with disgust. “Even Remus does.”

Roman huffed but closed his mouth, glaring at his twin who had slurped up all his soup with his tentacle tongue already and was currently gnawing on the bowl, grinning back at Roman.

For once glad to not be the center of attention, Logan took only a few spoons full before he noticed how Janus looked at him over the table as the others bickered around them. Yellow eyes suspiciously roamed over his figure and Logan fought with his self control to keep a neutral expression as he briefly returned the eye contact before he turned his attention back to his food. This way he didn’t see the growing suspicion in the way Janus squinted at him. But he heard it in his voice when Janus spoke. His words cut through the joyful atmosphere like frozen silk. Normally, the chattering of contentment was Logan’s task. He was sure he didn’t like the change. “Do tell, Logan, what is wrong? Since you’re not acting strangely at all.”

That certainly caught the other's attention and another four pairs of eyes were fixed on Logan. Apart from that, Logan suddenly found it hard to swallow the mouthful of soup.

“I assure you-” A shock of undeniable higher voltage went through him and Logan had to grip the table edge until his knuckles turned white “-I am doing fine.”

Janus flicked his forked tongue out, tasting the air for lies. But Virgil unknowingly jumped to his rescue. “Oh, cut it, Jeffrey Snakeson.”

“Jeffrey Dahmer!” Remus very helpfully supplied, happy as can be.

Virgil jumped a bit in his seat. “What?! Oh, yeah, sure. Anyway, Logan doesn’t lie. If he says he’s fine then he’s fine. All you’re doing is making me anxious.”

Janus raised an unimpressed eyebrow at him until Virgil squirmed in his seat and ultimately hissed at him. Remus happily applauded as Virgil showed his fangs in the process.

“Logan, you’re really ok?” Patton wrung his hands as Virgil now lunged at Remus over the table who looked delighted to be chased. “I know you’ve been very excited about Thomas going into education again.”

And yet you decided without me, Logan thought. Even though you knew how important it was to me, you still didn’t find it necessary to call me. Logan was going to get jaw aches by how often today he had gritted his teeth. He thought of all the delightful years of sitting over chemistry textbooks and worksheets. The good old days of being greeted by the smell of the lab in the morning.

The happy memories were enough to bring tears to his eyes. He hoped that the shining wouldn't be visible behind his glasses. Was it really that selfish to want just a fraction of that excitement back? The upside was that he now has all the more reason to keep his answer to Patton short.

“While I would have preferred it-” Logan held onto the table again to hide the shaking in his hands from the next shock “-for Thomas to pursue a different, more scientific course, I am not upset with you personally and will not interFERE-” Logan couldn’t help a tiny yelp as the cooldown was over and one shock too many hit unexpectedly. The electricity coursed through his veins and he lost control of his muscles for just a second. It was enough for his hand to jerk and knock his half-empty soup bowl off the table. He watched in horror as the soup spilled over the kitchen floor, himself and worst of all, Patton.

The moral side yelped and jumped out of his chair to get away from the scalding hot soup. Logan didn’t feel the pain himself, his nerves still in overdrive from the shocks. He noticed himself slightly shaking. All the sounds were muffled but he didn’t know if this was the aftermath of the shock or the beginning of a panic attack.

He choked out a small sorry and sunk out, landing on the floor of his room right as the next shock hit. The pain was more intense now that he was already sensitive. 

Even after the electricity ebbed away his muscles cramped, refusing to cooperate. He tried a few times to sit up but didn't even make it to his hands and knees as the movements pulled at the soup burned on his legs. After the fourth time, Logan simply accepted his fate and let himself pass out on the floor. Exhaustion easily pulled him into the black.

The next morning Logan woke with his body aching. He was still on the floor and his back was protesting the position he curled into during the night. More than his bones, muscles and first degree burns pained him the memory from yesterday.

Seeing no sense in putting the confrontation off, he quickly snapped himself into clean clothes, righted his tie, and then sunk out into the commons.

Judging by the looks of it, Patton was currently winning the board game against Roman, Janus, and Virgil while Virgil sat on Remus’ back as he was sprawled across the couch to keep him from lighting the board on fire.

“Hey spilled brains!” Remus greeted him, distracted enough to drop the lighter as he squirmed under Virgil.

“Hey L. Already done with work? It’s only past lunch, you good?”

Logan shot a quick look at the clock and saw that Virgil was right. So Logan only nodded.

Virgil at least seemed satisfied with that since he turned back to the board to make his move.

“Patton wasn’t burned, by the way, thanks for asking,” Roman commented, looking at him sharply.

Patton gave him a light slap on the arm. “Roman, don’t be like that. I’m fine, nothing happened. It was just an honest mistake, I’m sure.”

While Logan was glad the other wasn’t injured, he would like to make his own apology. Even in this they just assumed what he would say.

Logan felt the ugly tint of jealousy. It tasted bitter in his mouth. They hadn’t bothered to check in on him, not even after he sunk out last night after he clearly burnt himself on the soup as well. Instead, they just assumed he would work while they played away the day. And they still got the privileges of guiding Thomas’ life.

He almost slipped up. He almost asked them why they couldn’t just love him but what use would it be? Bitterness never improved anything, he could only control his own actions, not the others’ reaction. If he wanted to see a change he had to start with himself. And he would. As Logan slowly returned to his room, his belief was more concrete than ever. His experiment was working. He went over the data again as he wrote down his observations from today. The facts backed him up, the collar was working. It forced him to keep his resolution to not argue a lost cause and to keep the interactions where he was pushed aside short so as to not get frustrated or waste his energy. As long as the pain of the shock would not keep him from sharing his opinions when-if they would listen, he saw no downside.

Logan worked silently as he finished his notes and then started to sort Thomas’ short-term memories in order for them to be stored in his long-term memory.

He spent the next few weeks like that and every waking minute that wasn’t spent on his duties as Thomas’ logic was put into observing the effects of his experiment. He noted the frequency of the time spent with the others increased as soon as Logan learned to not open his mouth every time he could have contributed his opinion. Instead, he listened and every time was rewarded with new details that made him love his family even more. If only they could see him the same way.

He slipped up sometimes, of course. After a few days of frequent shocks, he had to up the volume again. A few times actually. But overall it was going good. Logan felt at peace lately, as if his mind, or maybe his heart, was wrapped in cotton. It cushioned any hurt before it could reach him. His body was numb lately as well. His collar was at the highest level today and frankly, Logan was afraid of what would happen if someday that wouldn't be enough. But he needed it today. Thomas had called an emergency meeting of the sides. 

The real world greeted him with loud arguing. Logan’s first glance was of a nervous, but also hopeful looking, Thomas.

“Hey Logan,” Thomas smiled apologetically at him. “I didn’t want to bother you, you must be busy but ehhh…” He gestured to the chaos.

Logan raised an eyebrow in question.

Luckily Roman was apparently bursting to get his point across and he didn’t have to say anything. “Look, specs, it just feels right, okay? We all have a really good feeling about him and what if he is the one? What are a few states to the west in the face of true love?”

Thomas rubbed the back of his neck. “Still moving to Seattle might be a bit soon.”

Logan felt as if his stomach hit the floor and made it crumble under his feet.

Patton fidgeted with his hoodie. “It might be a bit soon but you’re an adult, Thomas. It might seem scary at first but it might be opening a door to a new, great life. It’s always good to meet new people.”

Logan knew he needed to argue against that, he opened his mouth and closed it quickly. He wouldn’t be able to fit his plethora of arguments against this simply horribly absurd idea in the time the collar would cool down from the first initial shock and a second one might be too obvious to the others. Virgil! Virgil could do the arguing for it with the added benefit that the others might take his concern more seriously.

Logan clenched his fist so that the ache of his fingernails would distract him from the collar. “I don’t agree that it would be a good idea to move away from Thomas’ current social circle and job location. Virgil, surely you agree that it would highly instabilize Thomas’ life?”

“Uhhhh, yeah?”

Logan’s shoulder sagged in relief.

“But, eh, you know L, I kinda am a bit overdefensive when it comes to change? So I’m really just trying to embrace this and uh, be positive? We could skype with Thomas’ friends? Or well, Thomas could. Some of them live a good way away already, so - and I can’t believe I’m saying this - it’ll be fine?”

“Of course it will, kiddo! And we can even visit occasionally, after all, we won’t be out of the country.”

“Yes, exactly!” Roman chimed in, excitement visibly growing. “And Thomas can pursue his dreams everywhere! It’s the glorious age of the internet!”

Logan vehemently shook his head. “Janus!” he clenched his teeth so hard they ground as the shock hit but thankfully everyone was distracted by Janus appearing behind Patton. “Talk some sense into him, Thomas can’t move for a meaningless infatuation.”

Logan felt himself shaking and was more than a bit dizzy. When was the last time he had something to eat or water for that matter?

“-so I think Thomas should in fact make the jump so to say, even if it might seem illogical. If it’s what he truly wants.” Janus folded his gloved hands, smirking like the cat who got the cream, as ended his statement.

He had zoned out. Logan had zoned out and now Janus was on their side too and Logan had no clue on how to argue against arguments he hadn't heard. Logan had a high, shrill, deafening whistle in his ears. How could they even consider this? Thomas sacrificed so many job opportunities for his social contacts, the job in the sciences he threw away like anything else Logan valued in his life but it made Thomas happy so he had tolerated it. For what would they take this risk now? 

Being away from everyone he loves won’t make Thomas happy. They were jeopardizing everything good in his life on a whim. For a nebulous, probably dangerous guy on the internet that Thomas will fall out of love once the initial phase of infatuation passed.

Enough was enough.

Logan didn’t hold back on this one. He  _ needed _ to make them listen or else he would never forgive himself that he let Thomas become miserable. This was the one thing Logan couldn’t fail at.

The collar’s shock was only a light prickle through his panicked gaze, certainly not enough to dam the flood of words. He willed his voice to be loud and steady to drown out the other voices of where to find an apartment in Seattle. “Stop it! Thomas, you are not moving! You’ll endanger your mental health and financial stability if you do. You’re not risking-” the second shock made the room sweat and he could feel cold sweat beading on his forehead “-not risking everything you achieved for a crush you didn’t even know yesterday!”

“Logan-” He wasn’t sure who spoke but he needed Thomas to listen to him, no one else, just Thomas, just this once.

“No! I won’t let you-” The third shock hit and sheer determination kept Logan from collapsing as his knees buckled. It _ burned _ . He was dizzy and fairly sure that he would throw up. “You can’t move…” 

He trailed off as the room spun violently. Something was moving in front of his face, one of the others? He heard a voice calling him as if from underwater but he couldn’t answer, he couldn't take another shock. But Thomas-

“No moving,” he choked out. Then the world went dark.

* * *

Virgil screamed out a warning as Logan collapsed, thankfully Patton was right in front of him to catch him before he could hit the floor. Thomas watched numbly as they carefully laid him down on the couch. 

“He’s so clammy, guys,” Patton, his hand on Logan’s forehead, “what do we do?”

“Take off his tie, let him breathe,” Janus instructed.

He had known this was a bad idea as the sides came to him with their proposal to provoke an argument to coax Logan into speaking with them, he should have pressed harder for a different solution. Or at least interfere when Logan was visibly unwell to the point of  _ swaying on his feet _ . 

And now they were here, Logan unconscious on his couch and...

Virgil’s fingers scrambled to get the knot open and pluck his shirt collar open. “The fuck…”

Roman obscured his view but Thomas heard the horror in his voice as he looked over Virgil’s shoulder. “What is _ that _ ?”

“We need to get that off,” Janus' voice was hollow as he kneeled beside Logan’s head, Thomas moved with him, and started to fiddle with something metal on his neck.

“Jay, is that-” Patton started.

“Not now, let me get it off.”

“But-” 

“Patton, _ please _ .  _ Not now _ .”

Thomas saw his hands trembling and tears streaked the human side of his face. He gently rested a hand on his shoulder and guided him to the side. “Here let me,” he offered.

Janus was right, the question on  _ Why Logan was wearing a shock collar? _ could wait. First, that blasted thing needed to get off and be buried in the bin to never see the light of day again.

Thomas managed to pry the collar open and slowly pulled it away. The smell of burnt skin hit his nose and his stomach lurked as he saw the layers of skin sticking to the collar. Then he saw the burns and Thomas could feel his heartbreak as he saw the burns. Red and angry they went around his whole neck, not a single patch of skin that the collar had covered had been spared. The pale blisters sickly glistened against the seared flesh.

Janus sharply inhaled next to him. “I’ll get the first aid kit, we need to treat that, we need-” He broke out into sobs again and Patton pulled him into a hug, tears of his own streaming down his cheeks.

“Roman, can you summon some burn cream and gauze please?” Thomas requested as calm as he could. He could panic all he wanted later, now Logan needed him.

He drowned out the sounds of the other sides as he went to work to treat and wrap Logan’s wounds. He taped the bandage in place and slowly stood as to not jostle him.

“Help me move him to the bed?” Immediately, Roman and Patton jumped to assist him to carry Logan upstairs. Thomas concentrated on tucking Logan under the covers, he would deal with his feelings later.

The others fidgeted in the doorway, looking just as lost as Thomas felt until Virgil crept forward a bit. “Thomas, what-”

“No, we can talk about this later once he is awake. Then we’ll see what to do with this whole mess.” He shot them a strict look. “I can’t say I fully understand what happened today but this can’t happen again. Ever.” 

He focused back onto Logan’s sleeping form. “I won’t let you get hurt anymore, Logan, I’m sorry we failed you like this.” He brushed away a few strays of hair from his forehead.

“We’ll leave you two to rest a bit.” Thomas looked at Janus who had a sad smile on his face. “He’s clearly better in your care than in ours. He trusts you.” 

Thomas would need to ask what the hell that meant later. For now, he simply nodded. “I’ll call you when he wakes up.” 

He watched as the sides sank out one after another before he settled in next to Logan, slowly carding his hand through his hair. He hoped that at least Logan was having a nice dream. His hair was so soft and Logan had never looked more vulnerable. The thought finally set the tears flowing, he’d been holding back until now. 

“I’ll keep you safe, Logan. No matter what it takes.” It was just as much of a promise to Logan as it was to himself.


End file.
